QSA's Christmas Appeal
QSA was chosen from almost 1,000 other good causes by a panel of judges for the Guardian because of the achievement of its bereavement project. Down to Earth is a mentor-led project that makes a practical difference to the cost of funerals, supporting people who are often already struggling with debt to arrange an affordable funeral for their dearly departed.
Down to Earth is a wonderful example of our work, and so is the focus of our Christmas Appeal this year.
Before he begins his morning session, giving funeral advice over the phone and pairing mentors with clients, development worker Lawrence Kilshaw mentions how many of the stories he hears are desperately sad. It's quickly obvious why.
Delores usually comes in early, but this time her 9:00am appointment is already waiting. He had arrived 30 minutes earlier, clearly anxious, and smelling of alcohol. Delores went in to see him.
Earlier that week, Lawrence had taken a phone call from the man's sister-in-law. She, with her husband, had been arguing with him about arranging the funeral of his father.
He needs £2,000 for the deposit on a £3,700 basic cremation – a quote he'd been given from the funeral directors. He'd scraped together £700, borrowing money off friends, but that was all they could afford and it still leaves him well short.
Could Delores help him? "He shed tears when I told him that he is eligible for the Social Fund". With that, she explained, he could afford the deposit for a cremation.
He is overwhelmed by all he is being asked to do and doesn't know how he is going to pay for it. He is concerned about getting to the funeral director so he could pay the deposit and get his application to the Social Fund signed.
Downstairs a couple of women come for an appointment. Adeel, a volunteer mentor, greets them. The mother has a nine month old baby in the pram. She recently lost her partner to a condition that gradually destroyed his organs; a slow death. She has brought a friend for company. She seems cheerful, but explains that she simply does not know what to do. A social worker is applying for her to receive benefits, but she has no money for a funeral, and that needs to be sorted out now.
QSA's Down to Earth service combines practical assistance in arranging affordable funerals, with the compassion and care of a volunteer mentor who accompanies them as they face up to the challenges of arranging to say goodbye for the final time.
It's a service that offers practical assistance to vulnerable people who often have nobody else to turn to. The charity's director, Judith Moran says the service meets a particular need but one that many charitable trusts haven't yet woken up to.
As we speak, Lawrence takes a phone call from the social worker at St Joseph's Hospice. They have a client whose girlfriend had just died and is currently in the morgue. Lawrence has a good relationship with the social work team at St Joseph's, they often refer clients and know how Down to Earth are able to support them.
The client is put onto the phone and Lawrence speaks to him. He has very little money of his own and says the Social Fund is messing him about. The Social Fund gives funeral payment grants to cover funeral expenses for those on a low income who can't afford anything. He says they had promised to make a decision within a few days but that was a couple of weeks ago, and they keep pushing him away saying that they are swamped with a backlog of applications. Now, he says, they won't tell him if they will give him any money toward the funeral costs.
He needs help navigating his way through government bureaucracy so he can afford even the deposit for a funeral. He had already registered the death, been to the funeral director and handed in the green form. He was given a quote of £3,500 but the funeral director said that he couldn't do anything until the Social Fund was sorted out. He had been to the Job Centre to apply for the Social Fund and was told to expect the full amount and, although surprised, he takes this to mean the 'full amount' of the funeral bill.
Rather than persuade him otherwise over the phone, Lawrence says that he will wait to do this in person. He will also check if the funeral director is waiting on the Social Fund or just wants a deposit, and if the man simply has nothing to offer until he gets help from the Social Fund. Although the client hadn't complained about the price, Lawrence thought the quote was high. He arranged for him to come into the office tomorrow.
"In the immediate aftermath of someone dying - in those few days before the funeral is held and the body is laid to rest - that's when we can be of most help" explains Lawrence. "If someone comes to us after agreeing their own funeral arrangements, it's much less likely that we will be able to save them a significant amount of money. However, if we can help with the arrangements we are regularly able to save clients over £1,000. Some of this comes from managing expectations.'
People want to give their loved ones a good send off, but it doesn't need to cost the earth.
The cost of these very public signs of affection is rising fast and at the current rate they are likely to compete with the lavish expense of weddings in the near future.
"We are also able to save people money because we are prepared to negotiate with a funeral director. It can seem offensive to haggle over the price of death, but that's where we can be of most help. The intervention of an objective third party, who is supportive but not overcome by grief, can shop around and, with a little knowledge, achieve significant savings."
A morning in Down to Earth's office gives an insight to the desperate need experienced by people who have no one else to turn to for support at this time.
Helping his client, Lawrence calls another funeral director who is closer to his home. After speaking to them for a short while, he gets a quote of £1,802 and arranges the funeral for 9:15 on Thursday morning at the City of London Crematorium.
The cost saved on the arrangements Lawrence set up is substantial, around £1,900. Various items were cut – no cars, no private viewing – but the funeral could now go ahead without further delay.
Rather than spend the £700 he had as a deposit, Lawrence advised his client to save £100 for flowers or anything else that would add a personal touch and make the funeral more of a meaningful service. He said he would give the cash to his children to send flowers.
Lawrence asked about his family. He is very worried about how he will tell his daughter that her grandfather is dead. Lawrence offers to put him in touch with children's bereavement specialists if there's a need, but he says he won't need this yet. He has a brother, but they don't get on. His brother was estranged, but came to London when their father died then went home, refusing to do anything more – so they argued about whose responsibility it is to arrange the funeral.
The case is not particularly unusual. Quite often the volunteer mentors have to navigate long-running family disputes that are revived when someone dies. It is another complication to arranging a dignified funeral when supporting someone on a low income.
Lawrence said that he'd keep an eye on him; call him during the week, and assign a mentor to him if he needed more support, especially to help make the service meaningful.
When the loss of a loved one is made worse by the dread of paying to give them a good send off, the anxiety, grief and guilt is devastating. This project makes meaningful funerals affordable, enabling bereaved relatives to say goodbye without debt or regret. In just two years it has saved its clients over £100,000 in funeral expenses.
Donations will allow them to develop their training, enabling other practitioners to support families of those who are dying, helping people to talk about what they want from their funerals, and especially recognising the help that families on a low income will need, simply to afford a decent funeral.
Down to Earth is recognised by The Guardian from Quaker Social Action on Vimeo.
